Man Down in the Carbohydrate Aisle

This is what happened to me yesterday at Costco.  I was minding my own business taking pictures for this blog in the bakery section when all of a sudden – BOOM – I was almost thrown to the floor.  Really???? In your glazed over sugar induced coma, did you not see me standing there? Was your rush to get an 18 pound carrot cake strong enough to commit cart-icular manslaughter?  I think I may have become gluten intolerant just inhaling the fumes.


 I know what you are thinking – why would I be in Costco on the weekend before Thanksgiving.  I needed tissues and solution for my contacts lenses and I needed to take much needed pictures for my dedicated readers of the excesses that are America. Boy did I Mandown02have a good time.

It is Thanksgiving this week and before I start telling you what not to do, I want to wish everyone a truly happy and healthy Thanksgiving weekend.  It is my favorite holiday and one that is usually for the most part drama free.  So I really want you to enjoy, use my websites for recipe ideas and if you do indulge, try indulging just a little – a few forkfuls of stuffing or dessert.  Keep in mind the first few tastes are always the best anyway.  Health comes first.

But television takes a very close second place.  How lip synched – oops, I mean good were the American Music Awards.  Although he beats women, I thought Chris Brown looked good with blonde hair.  And I think my Bieber Fever is officially waning.  And it’s not just because he won’t admit to being the baby daddy but releasing a Christmas album……dude where’s your second album? And stop putting yourself in every number.  Go sit with Selena Gomez – why did she have to hang out with Taylor Swift all night? Unless she was really hanging out withTaylor’s brother?????????

Mandown03 I don’t know if I mentioned that I went to LA a few weeks ago to continue my Don Quixote-esque quest to land a gig on TV.  Things are progressing nicely on that front but my psychic, Letty, told me I should not be saying too much about anything to anyone so while I won’t tell you the specifics of why I was there, I can tell you who I met.  And you always listen to Letty. She is one cubanista santera bruja you don’t want to mess with.  This is the entrance to her home somewhere deep in the Valley.

But, what I can tell you is that I almost became a reality TV Star without really trying.  Who am I trying to kid? I am always trying but in this instance, it happened around me.  When I am in LA, I always let my friends choose where we eat – after all, it is their town.  So, this one evening I got a text to meet them at this place called Sur in Beverly Hills adjacent.  That kills me about LA – they can’t even come up with names for neighborhoods – if its next to one, they just call it adjacent.  It’s as if you lived in Queens but because you can get there from the Upper East Side, it’s simply called Upper East Side adjacent.  Silly.

 Anyway, I thought it sounded familiar but when I got there, there was a television crew, lights, the whole works and I was asked to sign a release form.  I couldn’t sign it fast enough because you must know whose restaurant that is – yes, Lisa from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (adjacent).  The girls were there; Lisa’s husband was there but not the dog.  I couldn’t have been happier. I overheard an argument.  So though the food was awful and the décor worse, that argument made it worth the trip.  The next day I heard a rumor that the wait staff are all hookers – but that’s another story.

Mandown04 And if you think everyone in LA is all healthy and watches what they eat, check out this picture of an “eat all day” sign.  Wow, California really does set up the trends in this country.  It’s now no longer all you can eat, but eat whenever you want.  Be afraid – on the fat farm, no one can hear you scream.

Getting back to my trip to Costco – here are a few things I would like you to ponder. Remember it’s Thanksgiving so I am not going to get all preachy but I still need to point out a few things.  Here was my favorite – Chocolate Cheerios that says on the box – this may reduce Mandown05your risk for heart disease.

Are you kidding me? The government is desperately trying to take away our ability to buy supplements freely and won’t let us say on a bottle of vitamin C that this may help keep your immune system healthy and ward off colds and flus; but they let cheerios say it will ward off heart disease.  This is wrong!!!!!  Write your congressmen; sign the petitions and lastly and most importantly, don’t buy into that dogma.

Mandown06 Here was another interesting sight.  I always circle through the clothing department because you never know what you might find.  The most disturbing thing I found was that nothing came smaller than a medium and went to XXL. America– I weep for you.  Please begin to care again.  Just because the economic crisis is debilitating and our politicians care nothing about us common folk – please care about yourself.

On a lighter note, did you see Teresa’s dress on the RHONJ reunion.  Yes, I know it happened a few weeks ago but I have forgotten to mention it.  I think that giant silver plate on the front of it was a communication device to the alien mother ship that must control her – she is koo koo ka joo crazyballs.

The best lines in television are on reality TV shows so here is this weeks quiz; The line is from a very popular show and one that I ridicule (oops, I mean talk about) all the time in this column.  One girl says to the other, “Is there something wrong with these strawberries? And the other girl says, “No, they’re raspberries.”  Name the two girls and the show.

Mandown07One more RH mention because they are just so funny: How about RHOA where Sheree is talking about NeNe and says: “just as fast as you can go up you can go down – like a stripper pole.” Who thinks like that?  And a big shout out to her earrings.  I thought the earrings were fierce in Basketball Wives – No – RHOA has them beat this season – Sheree’s last pair were down to her waist – no lie.

Please enjoy your holiday and think of me – I’ll be that little voice inside your head saying, “you know you really don’t need that!”

One last thing: you know you are getting old when you still watch 90210, and the character playing Liam’s agent, Sheila; was a completely different character on the original 90210 who was Kelly’s mentor and then tried to sleep with her boyfriend.  And, yet, none of them know it………..

Until next time, much love…….