The Dog Days of Summer

I just wanted to let you know that I commandeered the computer so I could tell my story – my way. It’s a good story and one that needs to be told but my roommate/ owner/ daddy – I don’t know what the PC word is anymore – didn’t think I could do it. He thinks just because I don’t have opposable thumbs that I am useless.I get him to do anything I want so I wouldn’t call that altogether useless but I can sometimes see his point.I am happy that he is a nutritional doctor because it saved my life. This is Remington and here is my story. Uh-Oh – wait, I think I hear him coming this way. I am sure he wants to add that there is just nothing “real” about the Real Housewives of New York City this season; but that is his story to tell, not mine. The Countess singing with Natalie Cole and neither could carry a tune – my super sensitive dog hearing took quite a beating that evening. I guess I sometimes see what he means. When my daddy’s trainer Shane heard that I wanted to write this weeks blog, he was very encouraging. I get to stay with him and/or Karen when the good doctor goes out of town. It is all the way upstate in Westchester but I kinda like it. There are other dogs and cats and parks and yards for me to play in; even though most of the time I just like to sleep. Again, I digress – I really have picked up bad writing habits from my father. Shane wanted to call the blog: Confessions of a Pillow Dragging Addicted Beagle. Yes, I have been known to redecorate from time to time but I really took offense to the term addiction – is there a 12 step program for chronic redecorators – hey Bravo there’s a new show for you. And yes, I am with my daddy the entire day so how can I not pick up on the television lingo. My father adopted me when I was four months old from a rescue center. It was love at first sight – at least for me – he dressed well, had a nice car and a home in the Hamptons – what more could I want? My last family gave me up because they thought I was too rambunctious. Really?  I am a hound dog – true and true. I may get spurts of energy but I love to sleep. If I were any less rambunctious, I would be dead.

Anyway, I gladly moved and proceeded to have stomach issues.  It was very hard for me to control my bowel movements, my stomach always hurt and I was always hungry.  I am still always hungry but have you met my father? Thin, fit as a fiddle – you walk into our home and immediately lose 10 pounds.
Being a well-known diet and nutrition doctor, he couldn’t have me having diarrhea at every bowel movement –plus I think there was real concern for my well being.  We tried every dog food – organic; natural, wet, dry and every combination. He was even cooking for me at one point.  Nothing seemed to help and I just kept feeling awful. As a dog, it is hard to let those you love know how you are feeling but the multiple bowel movements a day and the accidents in the house kind of gave that one away.

Finally, my dad was at a trade show and he came across this raw organic frozen diet.  It was if a light bulb went off in his head. Of course.  It’s the way dogs have eaten since the beginning of time – we are descended from wolves and our genetics are similar in certain ways.  It’s the way he tells humans to eat – not raw meat of course but eat the way your ancestors did and you will have a lot less problems with your digestive system. At least that’s what I overhear him saying – again, his story not mine.  So, once he switched me to that diet, I began to feel better and not once since have I had diarrhea or used our home as a lavatory (unless I was mad at him)

My snacks are raw carrots and I will do anything for one – they are so delicious.  “Remington – what are you doing?” “I will take over from here – you can do the close.”  What can I do? He is the boss – or so I let him think.

Remington brings up a good point – when you eat what you are supposed to be eating; and in our case it’s lean proteins, vegetables, nuts, seeds, some fruit, some dairy – you are going to feel better.  Your digestive tract which controls your immune system and is your second brain is going to be so much happier. Say goodbye to antacids, diarrhea, constipation and say hello to less depression and better moods.

Speaking of nuts, have you been watching Roseanne’s Nuts – it’s about Roseanne Barr who buys a 50 acre macadamia nut farm in Hawaii and the shenanigans that goes on. I used to love her TV show and she is quite good in the show but the rest of the cast: can you say overacting?????  In this past episode, she sang the National Anthem at a girls softball game in Hilo. A much better job than her first attempt but what I didn’t know was how that one incident destroyed her career and how she needed 24/7 protection for months after that.

Before I give the floor back to Rem, he brought up a point about snacking. Yes, I let him have a few carrots a day but in a recent study, they are blaming snacks on the reason we are so obese as a nation – it took a study to come up with that.  And what about those 100 calorie snack packs?????? Seriously dude, have you read the ingredients in them? And besides the ingredients, why do we have to snack? It’s just another attempt for the food manufacturers to get us to buy into a concept that they have convinced us is healthy – when will we ever learn?  And when was the last time you saw a celebrity eating a 100 calorie snack pack.  They don’t and that’s one of the million reasons they look the way they do.  They eat real food and I encourage you to do the same. Ok, I have to give the computer back to Rem – his ear is covering the keyboard.

Finally I get a chance to finish my story. As I was saying, as I got older I expected to start getting that chesty look that most beagles get –that chubby mid-section bulge.  To my surprise, it hasn’t happened and it doesn’t look as if it ever will.  When we go on walks I am complimented many times not only by other beagle owners but by total strangers who say I am the most beautiful beagle they have ever seen – I know I am modest but how often do I get to say anything? I am thin, you can feel my ribs – the indiscretions I have to put up with on the street I tell you! And I am what a dog is supposed to look like. All because I eat the way I was meant to eat. I accomplish this without trying and you can too. Eat only what is in your genetically programmed diet to eat and you too can look like a supermodel beagle (or at least that’s what I am told)

Of course, I have my moments.  When the weather is warmer – my dad hates the cold – we go for long walks down to the Hudson River. Since I am a beagle, I am always looking for a scrap or anything I can eat although my father rips it out of my mouth should I be lucky enough to find something.  I just wanted to share this picture of me trying to get at the ducks in the river – they just looked so tasty!

And I was so hungry but I am always hungry – it’s a dog’s life; and besides even Kathy Griffin once said that if you want to know why I am as thin as I am: it’s because I am always hungry – my dad taught me that one. One last word from the dad here: currently obsessed with Basketball Wives – if just for the earrings and True Blood is back with a vengeance – all is right in my world.
Until next time……