Propaganda machine

Coca-Cola wants you to know something.

It’s not responsible for fueling the national obesity crisis. And those soda machines they keep stocked in schools across the country? Well, it’s not their fault kids are getting fatter.

In fact, Coca-Cola is here to help. At least, that’s the message of the first installment in their latest ad campaign, laughably called “Coming Together.”

If you haven’t seen this ridiculous piece of shameless propaganda yet, you can view it here (link to But fair warning, you might not be able to make it to the end without throwing something.

Because it really is just that infuriating.

Here’s the galling takeaway, in a nutshell: As the leading beverage company in the country, Coca-Cola is aware of the obesity problem that’s killing its customers. So they’ve created low- or no-calorie versions of all their most popular drinks.

That’s what they’ll be selling–along with water and juice–at schools now. Because it’s important to start healthy habits early.

As for the old sugary favorites, well…they’re in smaller, clearly labeled cans now. You know, to help you drink less. Because “all calories count no matter where they come from.”

Which means that, really, it’s your fault that soda is making you fat. The Coca-Cola marketing blitz that kicks off the minute kids hit kindergarten has nothing to do with it.

Oh, no. They’re not profiting off of the obesity crisis. They’re part of the solution.

What a crock of you-know-what.

As if calories are somehow the only problem here. And as if putting more diet soda or juice–juice!–in our kids’ schools is going to solve this problem instead of creating a whole new one.

Don’t be fooled. But please, be angry. Be very angry. Because as amusing as this nonsense is, it deserves every ounce of outrage you can muster.