There is No Escaping Toilet Paper

I know, this may seem like a really silly title for a blog, but please bear with me and read on. I was sitting at dinner when those words came across my phone as a text. I literally LOL’ed. The line spoken by this woman named Kesha on a show called, My Strange Addiction on TLC. She was addressing the fact that alcoholics could stay away from bars but how do you escape her addiction- eating toilet paper? Has she ever been to India?

Since this actually made me feel normal, I knew there had to be a way to connect it to health- well there are probably many ways, but I think we should stick to our usual rantings of health, lifestyle and of course, nutrition.

I realize addiction is a horrible problem and one I hope I never have to face personally (if you don’t count vacation and shopping), but I face it in my office everyday. People are addicted to sugar and simple carbohydrates- or at least they think they are. They find it impossible to give up for the long run. Ok, they tell me, how long do I have to do it? I merely stare back and watch them cringe.

It’s not that bad, I am not Simon Bar Sinister (let’s see who’s old enough to remember who he is). But, I am finding myself having a few tough moments lately. Although sugar is around us everywhere and need I remind you that the average American consumes 33 teaspoons each day- yes, that’s 155 pounds per person per year. It is still possible, just like toilet paper to escape its clutches.

Allow me to digress for a second because I need to discuss my new favorite show: Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best? In the opening credits it cut to three canisters: flour, sugar and botox. The show had me right there. Yes, we need to get rid of the flour and sugar because they are NOT addictions; but how could those two live without botox? The show made me laugh for practically the entire 44 minutes ( thank the genius who invented the DVR). However, at one point it did make me cry. Joan was looking at her husbands ashes and found them under Melissa’s old bed in her NYC apartment in a Louis Vuitton case. The reason it made me cry was because for years I have been talking about how I want to be cremated and buried in a stack-able LV case identical to the one Joan has Edgar in with all my loved ones and dogs together, forever – wassup, wassup!

For those who are arguing that sugar and simple carbohydrates are an addiction, I will cede that point but with this caveat: you can rid yourself of the physical craving in just three days. In fact, we are having a 3 day sugar detox challenge on the Rachael Ray show tentatively scheduled for February 9, so be sure to follow my fanpage on facebook or twitter for the exact date.

The psychological addiction for sugar can last a lifetime. I know, I have one. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of actively eating ice cream. It’s true, I plan a walk to the store that has most flavors. Occasionally, I will even go into the store to see if there are any new flavors that I need to touch. So, I get the addiction part. The real key to health is to not let food behaviors that don’t make for success a part of your life. Figure out a way around them. Just as Kesha can’t avoid toilet paper, we are not going to be able to avoid sugar and simple carbohydrates- it doesn’t mean we (or Kesha for that matter) has to eat them.

It simply comes down to choices. When I look at sugar and simple carbohydrates, my brain turns to what those foods are doing to my body- not my waistline, but my body. In a nutshell, eating those foods causes oxidative stress in the arterial cell linings of your blood vessels, leading to plaque formation. Cholesterol is there to protect your arteries from the damage caused by sugar, not fat. This stress causes the body to secrete a hormone called cortisol which causes all sorts of damage, the least of which is blubber around your mid-section. And last, but not least, it shortens the length of your telomeres. Who else do you know can tie in DNA technology with Gossip Girl, You read it here first kids.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, all is well with the kids in 90210. Naomi almost killed the teacher who abducted her and raped her. Teddy is inching his way out of the closet. Annie slept with her boyfriend’s brother in his bed and Adrianna was outed on television as stealing her dead friends hit songs. Those crazy kids from Manhattan were also in rare form: S and lonely boy had another misfire in their simmering on again/ off again relationship. B is falling for lonely boy. And Chuck Bass is sleeping with the daughter of the man about to disembowel his company. Aaah! I can sleep better at night now.